I love looking at wedding photos. I love attending one, too! And I often can’t hold my tears on couples’ vows, father & bride dance and bride’s entrance. I love looking at the bride so stunningly graces a wedding wearing her most beautiful dress ever worn – her wedding dress. In fact, when I decided to pursue photography, it was the portrait of a bride that I picture to shoot. As the saying goes, “Every girl dreams to be a bride.” Who wouldn’t be? Who wouldn’t want to wear white gowns and perfectly made up with her most beautiful make up and hairdo? Who wouldn’t want to hold a beautiful bouquet of flowers (of her choice) and walk with a cinderella-like shoes on the aisle while the groom tearfully waits and stares at her the moment she appears at the end of the aisle? Who wouldn’t want to steal all the look and “oh’s” of the people who came to witness such a wonderful unison of two souls? Most girls do! And I do!
I can’t remember a time I have set an age to get married. Why? I got so busy working to earn money to pay my rent, pay tuition fee of one my siblings and at the same time, paying debts that had piled up due to interests. And I have forgotten to pray and ask God to give me the man he has for me to marry. I have forgotten that a single woman like me should be going out to date and meet people. I have forgotten the feeling of being pursued. When was the last time? That was decades ago. Because I have forgotten all these due to many concerns in life, I have forgotten I aged. I reached the age where being pursued seemed impossible and dating seemed to be unfit for my age. I have never experienced the first kiss and the sparks of being in love. Of course, I still long to feel that. Haaah! Time passes by so quick that I forgot to feel love.
Many times I have given up loving and being love. Many times I have given up praying for love to come. Many times I have cried feeling pity of not getting married or should I say not getting pursued. And many times, thousands of times, I asked GOD “Why not me? Why not now?” Yes, there also times when I told myself, “Should I grabbed the chance before even if it’s not right and even if I didn’t love the guy so I don’t feel lonely now?” or “Should I just did what most do? sex before marriage? or sex even when you’re not in a relationship?” Oh, just the thought makes me shudder! But the thought of not getting married and have a family of my own makes me crumble I can’t explain.
But I was given the GRACE to wait . . . until now. I don’t know why I still have this joy to see weddings, take pictures of brides and still wishes that someday I will be wearing a bridal gown and say my “I DO’s“. Is it because I am destined to become one or is it because I will never be one? And if I don’t, I hope that I still have the grace to accept the fact that it’s my fate. I stop praying when that hits me. But then again, when I see wedding photos and witness vows of couples on their wedding day, part of my heart still hopes that someday . . . I will wear my wedding dress and say my “I DO“.